Overqualified

So, I've been "out of work" since the end of '09. Granted, I've never actually stopped working but that's when I was laid off from my full time job in Magazine Land. Insert comment on the economic downturn here.

Lately though, I've really hit a wall. I love photography but until I can feel comfortable charging more, it just won't pay the bills. The two major problems that seem to be consistent are, I'm either overqualified or under-qualified. Meaning I'm stuck. Somewhere in the middle. I apply to jobs slightly above what I used to do but lack the experience. I apply to more entry-level positions such as admin or receptionist but because of my college degrees, the perception is that I won't stick around for the long haul.

So here we go, back to my failsafe job: being a nanny. I use the term "nanny" to distinguish myself from the 16-year-old that babysits to make extra cash for Itunes downloads and designer jeans. Lucky for me, I found some fabulous kids to hang with. I believe God is using this time for something, I just can't quite figure out what.

"Just keep swimming. Just keep swimming . . . "

Heavenly Father, thank you for the Master Plan. I can't see where I'm going but I know you're there to listen and to guide me. Keep reminding me that I am loved, you know how easily I forget. Thank you for time with children, both photographing them and caring for them. It's only during those times that I am able to get out of my own head and the darkness that surrounds. Give me a peace about what comes next - no matter what you've got in store. In your precious name, Amen

I see you.

The concept of being noticed, seen, and paid attention to has been prevalent in my little world lately. Working as a nanny has shown me how important it is that each kid receive individual attention. Don't we all want to be noticed? Isn't that why we work out, get dressed, wear make-up . . . basically everything we do is an attempt to be seen and therefore, loved. Today I am banking on the fact that no matter what, God sees me.

I know he does. It's one of his names - El Roi. After my recent study of the Patriarchs, this verse in Genesis stayed with me:

"She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: 'You are the God who sees me.' For she said, 'I have now seen the One who sees me.'"

This verse is speaking of Hagar, who was cast out after a major fallout with Sarah. She was not forgotten however. God saw her, just as He sees you and me. I need to hear that. I need to know that. I take comfort that nothing gets by the One who created me, who knew me before I was born, and who loves me without limits, restrictions, and my own infallibility.

An Open Door

This blog is the start of a trip - one of those random, spontaneous road trips where you aren't sure where you'll end up. Some miles are rough and maddening. Some miles are bright, sunny and you feel the breeze on your face. Other miles make you want to curl up in the backseat under a blanket and just wait for them to pass.

There will be devotional posts, as I'm learning to be a better Christian. There will be pictures, as I'm learning to be a better photographer. There will also be musings, rants, and raves as I showcase the other parts of me - the wife/daughter/sister/friend, the prodigal daughter, the grown-up kid, the foodie who will try anything once, and the woman who wants to be loved.